Being in the wrong for getting it right …

I feel that I am starting to detect a grumbling about how there has been an over-reaction to the threat of swine flu.  People refusing to take vaccines, for example.  And of course, whilst there has been an outbreak, the threatened pandemic hasn’t happened yet.

What I would like to see (but I’m not holding my breath) is a public “hey, this is great – we’ve seen this off together by doing the right thing – thank you experts, WHO, NHS, drug companies, local authorities for your action, advice, vaccine development and vaccination campaigns here.  Well done!”.

I suspect we’re more likely to see a “look, those so-called experts got all excited over nothing – the pandemic never happened!”.  And perhaps we’ll be a bit less likely to “catch it, bin it, kill it” next time around.

I am reminded (as we approach the end of this decade) of the fuss and bother around the “millennium bug” (remember that?).  People prophesied apocalyptic societal collapse unless something was done.  And of course no cataclysms occurred.  But that was because something was actually done!  At that time I was a Director in a division of a bank  and I remember asking the IT Director whether the people fixing the bugs in the bank’s system were in fact finding things that would have led to systems falling over.  She said “oh yes, definitely”.

I do hope there’s an opportunity to have a bit of a celebration once the threat of pandemic has passed.  Public honours for the people who led the effort, that sort of thing.

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Mistakes on CVs

From one of the interminable amounts of recruitment industry spam emails I get….

“Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.

“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”

“Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”

“I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

“Number of dependents: 40.”

“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”

RESUME BLOOPERS

“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

“Responsibility makes me nervous.”

“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”

“I was working for my mum until she decided to move.”

“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

“While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.”

“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.”

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

“Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”

“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

“Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

“Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.”

“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”

“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”

“I’m a rabid typist.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”